Podcasts are Great!

I have found that listening to various podcasts over the last couple of months has helped me SO much in my walk with the Lord. I suggest listening to Miles Welch of 12 Stone's Waters Edges college ministry and Drew McClure, the college pastor at my church, Grace Fellowship! Both are awesome men that speak God's truth!!!

What I Learned in My First Semester at College

In Short... I didn't know anything, or anything that really mattered anyway.

Flashback to a year ago when I was sitting in my systematic theology class in my Private Christian High School. My teacher, also the wisest man I know, told our class that we were going to see friends fall away and that Satan would try to tempt us in any way to leave the faith that we had anchored all of our hopes in. Four years in a Christian school doesn't guarantee anything. I had been given an unbelievable amount of knowledge over those four years. But how I applied that knowledge to the rest of my life was my decision.

The first six weeks of college for me entailed sitting in my dorm room, getting on facebook, eating, playing computer games and watching tv. The freedom that I had so long desired was in my hands and this is how I chose to spend my time. My downfall was one television show, a show that I had watched all the way through multiple times but for some reason it seemed to finally take its affect on me. I was sitting in my dorm room on a beautiful September afternoon watching the characters on this tv show doing something that I am fully aware is wrong and I felt like I could almost audibly hear the words of the enemy speak the biggest lie ever into my ear. "Abbie, that's what you are going to become. You can't change it. You can't help it. That's who you are." Immediately I shut off the tv and started having a panic attack. " NO that is not me!!!" I screamed, pointing my words at the evil that seemed to be surrounding me. In a second I was on my face on the bathroom floor praying and reciting scripture. I kept hearing " Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you, I DO NOT give as THE WORLD gives, do not be troubled and do not be afraid." The problem was, the seed had already been planted and the root was starting to crop up.

The Battle. I had never felt so hopeless and attacked in my whole life. This is the first moment where my faith had truly been tested. God has put so many dreams and desires in my heart and for Satan to tell me that they were never going to happen made my familiar friend arrive again: fear. Fear of failure, fear of weakness, fear of Satan, fear of my future. In these next few days, weeks, months after this attack I scrounged around like a wounded child looking for anything to bring comfort to my pain, even if only for a second. This attack made me jump in the word of God and dive into His presence more than I had ever done before. I had to. I couldn't live hour to hour without being reassured of the Lord's presence, divine power, and promises. Sometimes my fear would go crazy and I would be having a panic attack while my roommate was sleeping right above me. Many times I found myself throwing up because the fear and worry was starting to tear apart my body. I couldn't sleep for fear of bad dreams, I couldn't eat because I would get nauseous and I couldn't be around people because everything just added salt to my wounds. Although this process was painful ( and I'm not gonna lie I'm still dealing with it) it was worth every bit of knowledge I gained from it because I have grown so close to the Lord through it.

It might sound crazy but I want to be everything that the world isn't. What does the world have to offer me? Temporary satisfaction that after getting its fix ends up leaving you to drown deeper and deeper in your own problems and struggles. We are all the walking wounded. But there's good news! God can heal anything- whether physical or spiritual. If I've learned anything this semester it's been that you don't have to live a mediocre life! God has awesome plans for His children , the BEST plans, so why would I want to settle? Another thing is that it's impossible to have a healthy,functioning, open, real relationship with the Lord if you are living in sin. At a liberal arts university I am surrounded by believers and non believers alike. Non- Believers sin because their flesh knows no better and they haven't tasted the presence and almighty power of the Lord. But if you truly believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins and that He is your Lord then How can you go on living in your sinful nature? Don't get me wrong everyone sins. There is no difference between sexual immorality and gossip in God's eyes. But noticing your sin and doing nothing to change it or not allowing God to heal it because it's seemingly "easier" to just live with it, is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. God is Jehovah Rapha " the God who HEALS!" NOTHING is impossible for HIM!

This world is filth because it is the enemy's stomping ground. Satan will take any perfect thing that the Lord has created and will pervert it. Satan has had it out for me and every other person who claims to be a follower of Christ since the moment they became a believer. John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." If we are truly believers then Christ has the victory, and Christ is in us! I know I am not OF this world, I'm just IN it. To quote C.S. Lewis "If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world." The only thing that can satisfy my every want, need, desire, is God.

I'm no longer a naive senior in a "guarded" Christian high school. I know what the world looks like and does it scare the living daylights out of me? Absolutely! But I have been called to be set apart from the world, NOT because I am better than them, but because I know what I would become if I was of this world.

This is only a few of my thoughts and revelations from the past four months but I'm not through with the Battle, in fact I'll never be until I am on the other side of eternity. But my armor is on, and I have the tools necessary to fight, and win.